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| Monday, August 10, 2026 |
Issue #11
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by meme.app
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It's Monday. Big news first: next Monday I'm releasing a game called 16Bucks. You get $16. You pick six NFL players. Then you take them into battle against the greatest teams ever assembled and see how long you survive. Is it a fantasy game? A boss fight? I've stopped trying to categorize it. It starts with football, and college, the NBA, and more are coming behind it. The link drops in next Monday's issue.
As for the weekend: Adam Vinatieri turned his Hall of Fame induction into a roast, a rookie played so well in Canton they should just cast him in bronze now, and the Bills spent $2.1 billion on a stadium where thousands of people can't see the field. Let's get into it.
— Stew
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Adam Vinatieri Went Into the Hall of Fame and Roasted Everybody
Adam Vinatieri got his gold jacket in Canton on Saturday and delivered the line of the weekend, about Pat McAfee, his old holder in Indianapolis: “He was the person who enjoyed holding my balls the most, other than my wife.” McAfee laughed. The wife laughed. A kicker stood at the most reverent podium in football and told a balls joke, and it killed.
He wasn't done. On why Bill Belichick skipped the ceremony: “I thought it was because training camp had already started. But in truth, it's because he's judging his girlfriend's cheerleading competition.” Belichick is 74. The girlfriend is 25. Peyton Manning got his too, thanked “for generously donating your forehead for today's teleprompter.” Then Vinatieri called Belichick the greatest coach of all time and meant it, which is how you roast family.
Cool stat: Vinatieri retired with 2,673 points and 599 field goals, both NFL records, across 24 seasons, the third-longest career in league history. The two men ahead of him also kicked. The secret to playing football forever is not getting hit.
So what: The rest of the class was Drew Brees, Larry Fitzgerald, Luke Kuechly, and Roger Craig, and the weekend doubled as football's opening bell. Canton hosted a game Thursday, and by Saturday night all 32 teams will have played something resembling football. Summer's over. Nobody's mad about it.
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Canton's other star was a rookie they may as well fit for a bust now. Cardinals third-round pick Carson Beck went 15 of 19 for 188 yards and a touchdown in Thursday's Hall of Fame Game, one of the cleanest first preseason games anyone can remember, and the joke made itself: he's already in Canton, just take the measurements and save everybody the 20-year wait. Arizona lost 33-30 on a last-second touchdown from Carolina's own rookie, Haynes King, which changes nothing. Yes, it's preseason and yes, it was mostly against backups. 15 of 19 is still 15 of 19. [NFL] |
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The rest of the league gets its turn this week. Preseason Week 1 runs Thursday through Saturday: 16 games, all 32 teams. The watch list: Beck's encore at the Raiders, Rams at Chiefs, Cowboys at Seahawks, and a few hundred roster battles between guys you'll never hear from again and guys about to be famous. This is the week football stops being a rumor. I have missed it terribly. [FOX] |
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Speaking of Thursday: Kyle Shanahan will be on a sideline again. The 49ers coach finally explained the July 14 crash that gave him a concussion and cost him most of camp: his Tesla was on Autopilot, his phone fell into the back seat, and he turned around to grab it, trusting a system he says he's been comfortable with for nine years. He still doesn't know if the Autopilot glitched or he accidentally turned it off, but he's not blaming the robot: “It is always your fault, whether you're on autopilot or not.” He'll coach Thursday's preseason opener against the Titans. Good to have him back. [NBC] |
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The Bills spent $2.1 billion on a stadium and forgot the sightlines. New Highmark Stadium opened to fans Saturday for a practice, and the photos rolled in immediately: plexiglass blurring the view at midfield, railings and standing platforms blocking whole sections' view of the far side, upper-deck seats that can't see an end zone. Fans say they were assured the railings wouldn't be an issue. It also rained on sections that were promised coverage, and the building ran out of food. Eight hundred fifty million of that was public money. The working advice for some seat holders is “watch the scoreboard,” which fans report is also small. [Yahoo] |
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And the WNBA found the foot again. I told you last issue the league cannot have nice things. The August update: Saturday in Chicago, Indiana's Sophie Cunningham was clear for a breakaway layup when the Sky's DiJonai Carrington swung across her head and neck from behind and put her on the floor. Upgraded to a flagrant 2 on review, ejection. Minutes later, from the locker room, Carrington posted “WHITE PRIVILEGE @indianafever” on Threads. The account has since gone private and the league is reviewing the post. I'm still not refereeing the underlying fight; that's your group chat's job. But this league keeps producing genuinely great basketball and then daring America to talk about anything else. The Fever won 90-86, for those still tracking the games. [CNN] |
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Meanwhile, two retired NBA players declared for the WNBA draft. Enes Kanter Freedom announced he's entering the 2027 draft, citing the league's self-identification principles, and Royce White followed a day later. It's a stunt aimed at the league's trans-athlete fight, and the WNBA is now assembling a task force of team executives to sort out its eligibility rules. I'm not touching any of it. I'll just say that football season is a month away, and I have never needed it to arrive and flood this news cycle more than I do right now. [Yahoo] |
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The Red Sox streak died at nine. A 7-3 loss to the Athletics on Saturday. One more win would have made them the first team in history with two 10-game winning streaks in a single season. They've still won 27 of their last 34. That's the whole item. [Boston.com] |
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Don Nelson died Sunday at 86, at home in Maui. Five championships as a player with the Celtics, then 31 seasons coaching the Bucks, Warriors, Knicks, and Mavericks: 1,335 wins, second-most in NBA history, and three Coach of the Year awards. He invented Nellie Ball, small lineups, shooters everywhere, point guards the size of forwards, which is to say he invented the basketball you watch every night, decades early. He drafted Steph Curry. He brought Dirk Nowitzki and Steve Nash to Dallas. He never won a ring as a coach, and it doesn't matter. He retired to a Maui farm, grew coffee and cannabis, and after the 2023 wildfires opened his rental homes to displaced families. Aloha, Nellie. [ESPN] |
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Six months without football will do this to you
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The obstructed views at the new Highmark Stadium are reportedly part of an innovative new feature designed to prevent fans from seeing the Bills lose in the playoffs
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The stadium isn't the only mistake they made in Buffalo. These are the new Bills alternate unis
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Sneak peek. Next Monday.
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Programming note: 16Bucks arrives next Monday, in this very email. Sixteen dollars, six picks, the best teams in history waiting on the other side. Between now and then: 16 preseason games. The universe loves a theme. See you next Monday.
— Stew
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